The Archeologist of Silence

Dear Readers,

Last night we became archeologists on a dig through the layers of our Woman's Voice. Starting with a recent conversation, we used the question: "What does that remind me of?" to dig deeper, to uncover other memories, experiences, and feelings of how we communicate with others.

Did you notice that you were paying attention to more than your language, what you actually said?
Did you notice that during your conversation, you were experiencing sensations in your body and/or emotional responses?
Did you notice the silences? Did you, on reflection, hear more communication in the silences than you had been aware of?
Did you notice that you were experiencing wordless feelings during the silences of your conversation?

Silence is a very important aspect of how we women experience communication and our voice. For many of us silence is oppressive. It represents times when we were not allowed to speak, times when speaking may carry a risk of being misunderstood or, worse, ridiculed. Silence may be how we hide our feelings. Being labeled "an emotional women" can be a powerful put-down.

Silence, also, for women, is very nurturing. It's in silence that we commune with the infants in our wombs, listening for them, and they in turn listening to our heartbeat, to the sound of our voices talking to them, singing to them. It's a feeling within us, within the silence, that communicates not only with our infants, it nurtures our creativity and our spirituality.

Those are the two aspects of silence that we women communicate. Tonight let us become archeologists of silence.

Writing Assignment: Recall a recent conversation. It might have been at work. It might have been social. It might have been in an intimate relationship. It might have been with a child. You are welcome to go back to last night's conversation.

Tonight focus on the silences. As you become aware of the pauses in the talk, ask yourself if those pauses contained other and unspoken thoughts. If they were unspoken thoughts, ask yourself why didn't you speak them? Were you aware that the other person had unspoken thoughts? Did you have a sense of what those unspoken thoughts were?

Now consider your feelings. Were you aware that you had feelings in the silence? Were they comfortable or uncomfortable feelings? Were they sensations in your body? If so, where did you feel them?

Were the silences oppressive? That is, did you decide not to speak because you were concerned about the reaction or response?

Or were the silences companionable, caring, an extension of the good feeling between you.

Now ask yourself our archeologist's question: What does that remind me of?
Allow your memory, your feelings, your associations to take you into the silence. If words come, write them down. If there are no words, if you have sensations in your body, give them words. If you have feelings arise, give them words.

Whatever language you give to your silence, it does not need to be perfect. In this exercise, we are excavating. We may not even be certain what we have unearthed.

Our purpose in these two exercises is to start the process of becoming aware of our communication patterns and of developing deeper listening. In deeper listening we become aware that we are listening as we speak.

To be continued...and

Well, my archeologists of voice, I thank you once again for joining me here. Thank you for allowing me to share this work of Woman's Voice with you. And, to my special helpers, once again thank you for the comfort of your presence watching over me. I thank you all.